Verbal abuse is a form of abuse that is sometimes hard to recognize. This sort of mental abuse can happen in all kinds of relationships--couples, peers or even co-workers. If someone is constantly putting you down and making you feel bad about yourself, you are likely a victim of verbal abuse. If this is the case, it is time you stand up for yourself.
Instructions
1. Recognize that you are not at fault. The most important part of assertively defending yourself against a verbal abuser is recognizing that you have done nothing wrong. With verbal abuse, the abuser can often alter the victim's thinking and convince the victim that she is at fault. Recognize that your abuser's actions are his own fault and have nothing to do with you. Do not make excuses for a verbal abuser's behavior.
2. Do not participate in abusive conversation. When you are verbally abused, you might find it difficult to avoid becoming defensive and arguing back in attempts to prove your side. But among the most important things you can do when defending yourself against verbal abuse is to refuse to allow the abuser to upset you with words. You may not succeed every time, but don't give up.
When the abuser comes at you with abusive remarks, say to yourself, "I will save my emotions for later. Right now, I need to stay calm." After saying this phrase to yourself, stick to your commitment. Getting upset and arguing only feeds into why your abuser makes remarks at you in the first place. If you do not acknowledge the unacceptable behavior, an abuser will become frustrated and most likely leave you alone. When an abusive remark is thrown toward you, instead look the person in the eyes and say, "Stop." Be calm and don't yell, instead simply say stop. Do not allow him to walk all over you by participating in the abusive talk.
3. Bring to the abuser's attention to his actions. Choose a time to talk to your abuser when you are calm and collected. Also, do not choose a time to talk to your abuser if you both have had a recent encounter. Think out what you are going to say to your abuser before you approach him. Remember an abuser is great with words, so don't let him tear you down again, leaving you with nothing to say. Do not prepare a large argument about why you shouldn't be verbally abused. Instead, prepare something to say that explains how he is acting unacceptable. If your abuser interrupts you, calmly state to him that you would like to finish what you were saying. Don't let the abuser change the topic. Remember you are controlling this conversation, not the other way around. Explain boundaries you would like to set as well as things you would like him to stop doing. If the abuser persists with remarks, again do not participate in the conversation, simply walk away.
4. Take a stand. It is your right as an individual to be respected. If you have confronted your abuser, set boundaries and remained calm you have done everything you can do. Although, if the abuse continues it is important to take a stand and refuse to accept the behavior any longer. If your abuser is somebody you are in a relationship with, it is important for you to take serious consideration in leaving him. There is no valid excuse as to why you should be subjected to such treatment. If your abuser is a peer or co-worker, it is time to take it to the supervisor. Not only does the abuser affect your work performance, but also it is most likely you are not the only one he is abusing. Bring your abuser's behavior to the attention of your supervisor.
